I have found a simple formula that would not only make this world a better place for everyone or things hunky-dory for that matter, but it could achieve something that man only dream about from the beginning of time -- WORLD PEACE!!!!!!!!!!!! Oh, laugh now "o ye of little faith"; however once I explain how this can be easily attained, I'll have the last "hardy-ha-ha-ha" with my Nobel Peace Prize in my right hand, while I sip a Sprite in my left hand, and everyone in this God-forsaken, war-driven world WE CALL EARTH learn of the hidden truth of what it really takes to attain WORLD PEACE through means of watching professional football, ...man!
While I reveal to you all the PLAIN TRUTH about this theory, I will probe the following aspects with one leading into the other: pro football itself, the comaderie it brings, and how that could be applied in dealing with world leaders. It will be THEN, that YOU, my friends will understand and acknowledge this newfound truth. LET US BEGIN, ...shall we??
We all as humans take for granted the positive effects that watching professional football brings to viewers every Sunday (and Monday nights). Ask yourself this question my friends: is that all there is to pro football, ...you know, the smashmouth action coupled with the gnashing of teeth?? In addition, is it just big guys and coaches hollering and running like a White dude from the projects? I dare to disagree, my friends!!! Professional football does not end at the vicarious hooting and hollering from spectators nationwide every Sunday. It brings a feeling that binds man-to-man in a way that God can look down and say "YES!" All that I have to do to prove this is to request that you go into a room full of men from all works of life watching an NFL game. You will see a beautiful setting of men bonding like they never had before, beyond a lady's comprehension (no offense, ladies). Upon the loud clash of a hellacious hit guys would chime "oohs" and "aahs" followed by "man did you see that" in leu to produce a simultaneous sense of joy and exhileration that one could not put into words. Oh yes, did I also mention that that particular sense of joy leads to the most serene atmosphere ever known? Well, IT IS, man!! The longer one partakes in this environment, the more intense that inner peace shall be. Are you not feeling me on this?? Well, you will be as I progress into the second part of my presentation. Shall we go???
As I covered in the preceeding part of my theory, men in general tend to be drawn together by the fast-paced, hard-hitting action of the NFL. You may ask: how in the world is that possible? Surely no one can become and remain excited all the freaking time during the game. The reason is that football is all about unity in the first place. "A divided house cannot stand", the Bible says, no other intangible is as important for a team to be successful in the NFL. I would like to present a few examples to you, one from each extremity. Case one: the Pittsburgh Steelers. They are not supposed to be winning their division through any type of tie-breakers, at least not on paper. The Jaguars or the Oilers should be contending for the division title. Besides, the Steelers lost too many players to free agency. All of that, and they like the past four or so years are in the drivers' seat once again of winning the AFC Central Division. Why is that?? Chemistry. Good chemistry. The players and coaches of this particular football squad prides itself on winning to the point of guys rallying around each other to prove the critics and "experts" wrong. The Steeler players care about each other -- a lot. They encourage one another and treat each other with the utmost respect on and off the field. Before every game they huddle around each other, declaring that they are going to show the world how good the Pittsburgh Steelers are. The same can be said about the San Francisco 49ers. They were not suppossed to run off twelve straight victories, clinch their division and become the front runners for home-field advantage after Jerry Rice was lost for the season. Why? The same reason as before, they love and believe in one other. Last, but not least I would like to throw in the Tampa Bay Buccanneers as an honorable mention. Now who would've thunk it?? Case two: the Carolina Panthers. Now these guys are chilling on the FAR OTHER SIDE of the spectrum, ...I mean way down there. Now these guys were suppossed to be Super Bowl contenders at the start of the season. "Move over 49ers, the Panthers are the new kings of the division" one headline read in sports publications. Look at them now: 6-7 record with three games left in the season. Pretty damn disappointing if you ask me. What led to their demise? Bad internal comaderie among the players. It all started from Kerry Collins' actions the start of the pre-season (a lot of people know what happenned so I won't mention it over again). That started a trend of players not fully trusting and believing in their quarterback and players not experiencing the type of closeness they developed a year ago. In the Raleigh News and Observer, players mention that going out week in and week playing football is "not fun anymore" (Dec. 1, 1997 edition). This came at the aftermath of a VERY disappointing loss at home to the NEW ORLEANS SAINTS. The Saints, oh come now!!!!!!!! Comaderie leads to success and eventually a championship. "Divided we stand, together we fall" is the common battle cry in the heart of a true championship-caliber team.
Now here is where the point is going to be made. Given the previous
information, it should be easily understood where the world peace aspect
fits in to the pro football equation. Let Paul Tagliabue, the commissioner
of the NFL, assign expansion teams worldwide to different REGIONS, not
just countries. For example, grant one team representing the Middle
East, one team each representing Europe, Africa, Asia, Australia, Central
and South America. Each of those regions contains internal turmoil
that would make God break down in tears. Now, given that pro football
NOT ONLY BRINGS PEOPLE FROM ALL WALKS OF LIFE TOGETHER IN EACH REGION,
BUT BRINGS THOSE SAME PEOPLE IN FRONT OF A TV SET TOGETHER, they too will
learn of the cooperation and comaderie exhibited by the entire team as
they pursue that level of success togther. Saddam Hussein himself
will say, "boy, we and those Israelis, Iranians, and Saudi Arabians make
a fine team!!" Even frenchmen and spaniards will get excited together
over the whole deal. IT WOULD WORK MY FRIENDS, IT'S AS SIMPLE AS
THAT!!!!! All it will take now is for the NFL and the United Nations
to actually make that happen. Thinking about it gives me a chill
up my spine, man.
CONCLUSION: As you can see, my friends, pro football can induce world peace and make the world a better place for all of us only if it is implemented in the manner I presented to you. Once it is, we will all enjoy the benefits world peace on an intense Sunday of NFL football!!!
Lemme know what you think! Click here to let me know something. To further strengthen my theory, I will post questions and concerns on a link to be constructed at a later time along with my responses to these questions and comments from you guys.
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